I Get It Now
by Chocolate498
Summary: McKay and Carter talk about when they first met and how much Rodney has changed. Not a love story. SPOILERS: 48 Hours (SG-1), The Hive, The Storm. T for non-graphic torture. Set early season 4.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate: Atlantis. Or anything else to with it. Yeah.**

Gazing up from his laptop, McKay realised that the science lab room was empty. Sighing, he stood up and stretched. Cramped into this tiny room for hours on end tends to stiffen up his muscles and briefly thought that there might actually be a benefit to gate travel besides constantly saving Atlantis, but that thought quickly faded when he remembered all the times that he was shot at, almost killed, threatened and tortured.

Grabbing his empty coffee mug and his laptop he headed towards the mess hall in hopes for more coffee and possibly any leftover snacks that the cooks sometimes leave out for late workers - namely McKay - to eat.

Walking the empty corridors of Atlantis always gave him a sense of unease. It reminded him of the storm and when the Genii tried to take over Atlantis. The corridors were bare then too and he and Elizabeth were forced to walk through them at gunpoint.

Dreams of Kolya haunted his sleep, his eyes cold and empty, his twisted smile growing bigger every time his knife cut across McKay's arm, his hands covered in blood that was not his own. But none of that compared to that sadistic look on his face at the live video calls when John was held prisoner and had a wraith fee upon him. It didn't matter that Kolya was dead, it wouldn't ever matter, the damage was done.

But if McKay had the choice to turn back time, to stop himself from coming on this expedition, from ever stepping foot in to the gate, he wouldn't change his decision. The good outweighed the bad.

Entering the mess hall he glanced around to spot any other late workers. His eyes landed upon the new Atlantis expedition leader, Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter. She appeared to be buried in her work, with no evidenced that she even acknowledged the outside world.

Without hesitation, McKay gabbed more coffee and a handful of power bars from a pile that was left out. Balancing the bars, coffee and his laptop he managed to make his way to were Colonel Carter was sitting.

Paying no attention to the previously quiet atmosphere, McKay dumped the power bars onto the table next to the Colonel startling her. She looked up to him as he placed his laptop down and his coffee gently next to it. He then scraped his chair along the ground, seeming to make as much noise as possible.

Dropping himself down onto his chair he picked up a power bar and unwrapped the noisy wrapper. Carter continued to stare at him as he continued to stuff his face.

"I'm hypoglycaemic. Need to keep my sugar levels levelled out," he managed to explain between bites before gesturing towards the pile of power bars. "If you want some, take some."

Carter just shook her head. "No, I'm fine at the moment."

"You sure? Probably last time I ever offer food," he replied.

Carter shook her head again. "No, that's really okay Rodney. I appreciate the gesture though."

McKay shrugged and took a sip of coffee before turning to his laptop.

"So, what are you working on?" Sam asked, abandoning her own work.

"What? Oh, umm, just the final program to the gate bridge."

"I thought that that was already finished?" Carter asked curiously.

"Mmm... it was. Then Kavanagh somehow managed to get his hands on the program. Don't know how that man managed to get his doctorate. My 6 year niece could do better than him. Well I think she's six. Could be four. Anyway, I don't know how he managed to get into the Stargate Program. Isn't only for the best or something like that? Then again, you probably could ask the same question about a lot of the so called 'scientists' here. Well, I guess they can't all be me."

"McKay!" Carter exclaimed.

"Or even you," McKay added hastily. "So what are you doing here all alone in the dead of night?"

Carter was somewhat grateful for the change of subject. "I'm working on personnel reports and work psychological reports. You know, how am I holding up? How stressful is it? That kind of stuff."

"Oh. Well... that sounds completely boring. Good luck on that." And with those words McKay turned back to his laptop, drinking his coffee slowly, analysing the work as if it was the mystery to life itself.

"You know it might be better if you..." Carter trailed off. McKay turned around to look at her, seeing that all her concentration was to the screen of his laptop. She quickly grabbed his laptop and began furiously typing away.

"Just be careful. I don't want you to stuff up all my work," McKay stressed. Carter scoffed at him, but her eyes never left the screen.

After a minute or two, Carter gave back the laptop and McKay instantly began checking her work.

"Huh..." was all that left his mouth.

Carter smirked. Suddenly that smirk turned into a frown.

"So, what are you doing here McKay?"

"Huh?" McKay looked up to her with a puzzled expression on his face.

"Like here. Sitting next to me?"

"Oh. Working on the gate bridge program. Told you that already."

"Yeah, but surely you couldn't do that in you lab or something?"

"I had to get something to eat. And more coffee," he said holding up his cup.

"Yeah, but why did you sit here next to me?"

"It's nice here. Sometimes I sit out here rather than in the lab. It seems more free, you know?"

Carter sighed and started to pack away her belongings. She turned up to leave when a voice spoke again.

"I get it now."

Sam turned to face him, puzzlement dawned on her features.

"I get it now," McKay said with complete confidence.

""What exactly do you get?" Sam asked.

Rodney smiled and gestured her to sit down. She took the seat opposite him.

"What exactly do you get McKay?" she asked tiredly. It was too early in the morning for this.

"Do you remember when we first met?" he asked, surprising her.

"How could I forget?" she asked with a hint of bitterness that managed to enter in that question.

Rodney smiled sadly.

"I didn't get it. How you could risk everything just for one person. How you were so determined to prove me wrong. How you would travelled halfway across the world for him. I just didn't get it."

He looked straight into Sam's eyes.

"Before - before Atlantis, I didn't get it."

"What changed?" Sam asked, curious to what his answer would be.

"John," he said straight away, "Teyla. Elizabeth. Radek, Ford, hell even the caveman himself," He chuckle a bit after that one. "Before I came here, I didn't have anyone who I trusted, or trusted me. I didn't have any friends. I was alone. Now I'm not."

He sighed and slid down into his chair.

"You read the report in our first year here. About the storm and the Genii trying to take over, right?"

Sam nodded, confused to where this was going.

"Kolya tortured me. Bruises across my stomach, three deep knife wounds across my arms were he would continue slicing where the wounds where. Blood was everywhere. Needed 17 stiches in each. I still have the scar," he said, his arm unconsciously rubbing to where the wounds were.

"I tried. I tried so hard not to tell him but I did. After all that, when the Genii were all gone, everyone was back, I tried to hid. I didn't go to the infirmary straight away to get looked at. I was disappointed in myself. I was lucky not to get anyone killed. I kept blaming myself. Kept telling myself that I should have been stronger, you know?"

Sam opened her mouth to interrupt but McKay waved his hand and silenced her.

"Sheppard was concern. He tracked me down. Ended up showing him what Kolya did, started to apologise, begging for his forgiveness. He told me to shut up and then he started apologising. I was so confused. He looked my straight in the eye and said that he should have been there to protect me. To protect me and Elizabeth and that he failed. I told him that it was not his job to look after me 24/7 and he said 'McKay, you're a scientist, not a soldier.' And in that moment I knew what it was like to have a friend."

Rodney softly chucked.

"In that moment I knew why would you would risk it all for one person, because I knew that I would risk everything for John, or Teyla or whoever. I've risked my life, even if I have complained the whole way through, I've risked my sanity, cause let's face it, living with that time, you're bound to go crazy sometime or another, and hell I've taken a massive dose of the enzyme to get back to Atlantis and warn them that they were in the Hive ship. And I know that they would do the same with me."

"I get it now Sam, and it was mostly because of you. So, thanks, I guess."

Sam nodded. "It's alright. I'm glad. So, would I be able to have a power bar now?"

Rodney looked at her. "Ah, well, I need them. I'm hypoglycaemic so I need to -"

"Rodney, it's alright."

"Ok. Well, night then."

Rodney picked up his laptop, coffee mug and power bars and walked off.

Samantha Carter stared at him leaving but it wasn't until he left that she let out a massive smile.


End file.
